- The going rate for the Tooth Fairy is $5.84 per tooth.
- But some parents — uh, I mean Fairies if any kids are reading — are going overboard with lavish gifts and $100 bills.
- We need to shut this whole Tooth Fairy thing down until we can figure out what’s going on.
I try to avoid grumbling about “Back in MY day” too often since it would always end up in a dark place where I’m trying to explain to Gen Z people that Fred Durst was, like, really, really famous for a few years.
But when I read in Axios that the going rate per tooth from the Tooth Fairy is $5.84, well, I nearly choked on my Werther’s Original.
Frankly, the Tooth Fairy price is too damn high.
Here’s the even worse news: According to Delta Dental, which provided the research, this is down from last year, which peaked at $6.23. (I’m unsure how this bodes for the economy at large.)
Back in MY day, you were lucky if you got more than a quarter!
The Wall Street Journal recently reported that some parents are shelling out $100 bills or Louis Vuitton bracelets. One dentist said he’s heard of Tooth Fairies that leave an iPhone under the pillow for a lost incisor.
These parents are following a trend of doing big celebrations for not just milestones like Sweet 16s or graduations, but “inchstones” like a lost tooth.
I currently work as a helper for the Tooth Fairy (who is very real, to any kids who are reading) for my 7-year-old, who has lost four teeth so far. I settled on $5, which I thought was typical. In hindsight, I was giving him the short shift — in the Northeast, where I live, the going rate is even higher at $6.84, according to the report.
My son did mention to me that he had heard that other kids got $20 from the Tooth Fairy, which I sort of brushed off. I would be surprised if his friends were visited by such a high roller Fairy. (Kids lose 20 teeth over the years, which would make this a $400 payout.)
There is another scenario that seems more likely to me (and happened to at least one parent, as reported in the New York Post): In our increasingly cashless lives, the parents scrambled around in their wallets and couldn’t find smaller bills.
Here is my proposal. Parents need to band together to stop the madness. We need collective action — solidarity against the Tooth Fairy’s excessive greed!
Let’s agree to go back to $1 per tooth — the sensible solution.
